Don’t Put Your Purpose on Hold While Waiting for Marriage
There is nothing wrong with desiring marriage.
For many women, becoming a wife and building a loving, healthy and God-honouring marriage is a genuine dream. You may desire a good man, a caring husband, a peaceful home and a family of your own.
And you deserve a fulfilling marriage.
But there is another question worth asking while you wait:
What is your purpose beyond marriage?
What are you becoming as an individual?
What has God placed inside you?
What gifts, abilities and passions have you been given?
And perhaps most importantly:
Are you pursuing your purpose while waiting for marriage?
Marriage Is Not the Beginning of Your Life
One of the dangers of making marriage the centre of your life is that you can unconsciously begin treating your single season as a waiting room.
"When I get married, I'll start that business."
"When I get married, I'll go back to school."
"When I get married, I'll pursue that dream."
"When I get married, life will finally make sense."
But what happens if marriage takes longer than you expected?
What happens to the years spent waiting?
What happens to the gifts you could have developed, the people you could have served and the ideas you could have brought to life?
Your life is not on pause because you are single.
You are already becoming.
You are already growing.
You are already capable of making an impact.
Marriage can become an important part of your story, but it should not be the event that finally gives your life meaning.
Don't Shelve Your Purpose While Waiting for Marriage
There is a particular temptation that can affect people who deeply desire marriage: putting everything else on hold.
You may begin thinking that there is little point in pursuing certain ambitions because marriage could change everything anyway.
But your future husband should not have to become the reason you finally discover your potential.
Don't shelve your becoming because you are waiting to become someone's wife.
Don't abandon your dreams because you are still single.
Don't put your calling on hold because you haven't met the person you hope to marry.
And don't assume that being unmarried means you are somehow incomplete.
You are a whole person before marriage.
You have value before marriage.
You have gifts before marriage.
And you have purpose before marriage.
What Is Your Purpose Beyond Marriage?
This is where the conversation becomes deeper.
It is easy to answer:
"I want to get married."
But marriage is a relationship and a life commitment. It isn't the entirety of your personal purpose.
So ask yourself:
- What am I passionate about?
- What gifts has God given me?
- What problem do I feel called to solve?
- What am I naturally good at?
- What kind of people do I feel drawn to serve?
- What have I always wanted to build or create?
- What burden has God placed on my heart?
- What would I pursue if I stopped believing that my life begins after marriage?
These questions can help you move from simply waiting for a husband to intentionally becoming the woman you were created to be.
Your Single Season Can Still Be Productive
Being single does not mean being inactive.
In fact, your season of singleness can be an opportunity to develop yourself in ways that will benefit both you and your future relationships.
You can learn.
You can study.
You can build a career.
You can start a business.
You can write.
You can serve.
You can mentor others.
You can develop your spiritual life.
You can work on your emotional maturity.
You can heal from past experiences.
You can discover your gifts.
You can become financially responsible.
You can pursue the vision God has placed in your heart.
None of these things have to wait for a wedding ceremony.
You don't have to stop living because you are waiting for love.
What Are You Bringing to the Table?
There is an uncomfortable question that every person who desires marriage should occasionally ask:
What am I bringing to the table?
We often ask men this question.
What are you building?
What do you contribute?
What kind of man are you becoming?
But women should be encouraged to ask themselves the same question—not because a woman's worth depends on her achievements or income, but because every human being has something meaningful to contribute.
So, what are you bringing into your future marriage?
What are you learning?
What are you building?
What are you developing?
What wisdom are you gaining?
What values are you cultivating?
What vision are you pursuing?
What can you contribute to the life of another person beyond simply saying, "I love you"?
A healthy marriage involves two people who are willing to contribute, grow, sacrifice and build together.
That doesn't mean you need to become extraordinarily successful before you can marry.
It simply means you shouldn't abandon your growth because you are waiting for someone else.
Your Future Husband Is Not Your Purpose
This distinction is important.
Your future husband may become an important part of your calling, but he should not become your entire identity.
If marriage becomes the ultimate measure of your worth, you may become vulnerable to unhealthy decisions.
You may tolerate relationships that should have ended because you are afraid of starting over.
You may rush into marriage because you are tired of waiting.
You may compromise your values because you don't want to lose the person you have found.
You may even begin measuring your value by whether someone has chosen you.
But your worth is not determined by whether a man has put a ring on your finger.
You are valuable before you become a wife.
You have purpose before someone calls you "wife."
You have something to contribute before someone calls you "mother."
Your identity cannot be built entirely around a relationship status.
Pursuing Purpose Does Not Mean Rejecting Marriage
Sometimes conversations about purpose can accidentally make marriage sound like an obstacle.
That isn't the point.
Marriage is not the enemy of purpose.
A healthy marriage can actually provide companionship, support, encouragement and partnership as two people pursue meaningful lives together.
The goal is not to choose between purpose and marriage.
The goal is to learn how to pursue both wisely.
There may be seasons when marriage, motherhood, career, ministry or family responsibilities require you to adjust your plans.
That's part of life.
Your calling may take different forms over time.
Your priorities may change.
Your responsibilities may increase.
But adjusting your path is not the same as abandoning your purpose.
What Should You Do While Waiting for Marriage?
If marriage is something you genuinely desire, pray about it.
Prepare for it.
Learn what healthy relationships look like.
Work on your character.
Become emotionally mature.
Understand your values and boundaries.
But don't spend your entire life staring at the door waiting for someone to walk through it.
Live.
Pursue the things that are already in your hands.
Read the book.
Take the course.
Build the business.
Develop the skill.
Write the manuscript.
Serve your community.
Grow spiritually.
Strengthen your finances.
Heal.
Learn.
Create.
Mentor someone.
And become the person God created you to be.
Then, when marriage comes, you won't enter it believing that someone has finally given you a life.
You will enter marriage as someone who is already living a meaningful life and is now inviting another person to share it.
Your Purpose Can Strengthen Your Future Marriage
Imagine a relationship where both people are intentionally becoming.
A man is pursuing his calling.
A woman is pursuing hers.
They meet, fall in love and eventually decide to build a marriage.
Neither has to completely disappear into the other person's identity.
Instead, they learn how to support one another.
They celebrate each other's growth.
They make sacrifices when necessary.
They communicate about their responsibilities.
They build a home where both people can flourish.
That is a beautiful picture of partnership.
Your purpose doesn't necessarily have to compete with your future marriage.
With wisdom, communication, mutual respect and sacrifice, marriage can become a place where two people encourage each other to become better versions of themselves.
Your Generation Is Waiting for What You Carry
There is more in you.
There are gifts in you.
There is a vision in you.
There is a story in you.
There are people you may be uniquely positioned to help.
Perhaps there is a book you haven't written.
Perhaps there is a business you haven't started.
Perhaps there is a ministry you haven't built.
Perhaps there is a young woman who needs the wisdom you have gained through your experiences.
Perhaps there is a problem you are uniquely equipped to solve.
Maybe your generation is waiting for something you carry.
So don't put your becoming on hold.
Don't wait for marriage to start becoming who you were created to be.
Pursue God.
Pursue your purpose.
Develop your gifts.
Build something.
Serve your generation.
Become.
Marriage Is Part of Your Story, Not the Whole Story
Dear woman, it is okay to desire marriage.
Pray for it.
Prepare for it.
Hope for it.
And when the right person comes, build something beautiful together.
But don't forget to live while you wait.
Your single season is not necessarily wasted time.
It can be a season of preparation, discovery, growth, service and becoming.
Marriage may eventually change the way you pursue your purpose.
It may introduce new responsibilities.
It may require sacrifices.
It may open doors you never expected.
But marriage should not require you to become nobody.
May your future husband find a woman who has been growing.
A woman who has been healing.
A woman who has been serving.
A woman who has been building.
A woman who knows her values.
A woman who knows her God.
A woman who understands what she carries.
A woman who is pursuing her purpose.
And may you find a man who doesn't ask you to abandon everything that makes you who you are, but who has the maturity to build with you.
So, here's the question:
What is your purpose beyond marriage?
And more importantly:
Are you pursuing it?
Don't wait for marriage to start becoming who you were created to be.
Loveleaf — Building Healthy & Godly Relationships
Loveleaf explores love, dating, marriage, faith, sexual purity, emotional health and the journey toward healthy and Godly relationships.
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